Gnomeo
Gnomeo is retired. He would appreciate everyone remembering that, particularly immediately before asking him to do something.
What he retired from is less clear. His answer changes regularly, and every version somehow sounds just plausible enough to be true.
Retired From What, Exactly?
Ask Gnomeo what he did before retirement and the answer depends entirely on when you ask.
Some days he was a landscaper. Other days he mentions international diplomacy, municipal drainage, competitive fishing or operations he insists remain classified. Once he claimed to have spent six months advising a foreign monarch and refused to elaborate.
The frustrating part is that Gnomeo always seems to know things he should not know and possess skills nobody remembers him learning.
These days he prefers the quieter corners of the Garden District, where he can tend plants, watch the city go by and complain about how much louder everything has become.
Unfortunately for his retirement plans, Glonky has discovered that whenever the crew encounters a particularly strange problem, Gnomeo usually has a suspiciously relevant story about something similar happening years ago.
Gnomeo complains every time they ask for help. He helps anyway.
Retired. Not Finished.
Gnomeo Appreciates
- Peace and quiet
- Well-kept gardens
- Doing things properly
- Old stories
- A comfortable chair
- People who return borrowed tools
- Strategic observation
Gnomeo Could Do Without
- Leaf blowers
- Squirrels with no boundaries
- Unnecessary technology
- Being volunteered for things
- People ignoring perfectly good advice
- Noise before breakfast
- Glonky saying “I’ve got an idea”
Gnomeo Facts
Neighbors, Nuisances & People He Secretly Likes
Glonky
The primary threat to a peaceful retirement. Also, although Gnomeo will never admit it, the closest thing he has to a protégé.
Pigeon G
Sharp, observant and refreshingly brief. Gnomeo respects anyone who pays attention before opening their mouth.
Trash Panda
Owns far too much junk. Occasionally owns exactly the piece of junk Gnomeo needs.
Cuppa Chaos
Everything Gnomeo believes is wrong with modern life, moving past him on a skateboard at high speed.
Experience Has to Count for Something.
Gnomeo is the crew’s reluctant elder statesman: the person everyone eventually visits when a mystery gets stranger, a machine stops working or Glonky’s original plan has reached the entirely predictable consequences Gnomeo warned him about.
His stories provide clues to Glonk City’s past, his practical skills solve problems nobody else understands, and his mysterious former life leaves open the possibility that Gnomeo has been involved in far more of the city’s history than he is willing to discuss.
I told you not to touch it.
Move over.